1st day of High School

We have a long standing tradition in my family on the first day of school. I get up early, make the kids something “special” for breakfast, they take a lunchable – don’t ask me why it’s what they’ve always wanted, and I drop them off to class. When they get out in the afternoon we go somewhere for a snack and discuss their classes, teachers and which of their friends are still there. I can remember clearly holding my eldest’s hand as we walked to the Kindergarten class for the first time. They actually let the parents stay for a little while to make sure our kids are really going to be ok and we’re allowed to sneak out once we feel comfortable. I saw parents that left their son or daughter at the gate and wished them luck. There were others that like me wanted to sneak out earlier than they did, but not look like we didn’t care and finally others that didn’t leave at all – when the rest of us wandered back in at the end of the day they were still there hovering over their child. Not to say that I’m not nostalgic and I recognize the milestone of starting kindergarten, after I dropped my “baby” off for the first time I went home and cried – yes I am one of those mothers, but I’ve also learned to try not to hold onto things longer than my girls do, I refuse to be that mother where the children are rolling their eyes and trying to get away from them in public because they’re smothering them with too much motherly love. Trust me when I embarrass my children I want to do it for the sake of embarrassing them not by accident.


Yesterday my oldest started high school, they do things a little differently at their school and she wasn’t starting class until after noon. With some things that have happened this year I just wasn’t able to take the day off to be with her and after kissing her sleepy head goodbye and wishing her luck I drove off to work with a heavy heart and guilty conscience. She did tell me earlier, that it was ok and she understood that I can’t always be there for the little things, which of course made me feel even worse. When I got through my morning calls I realized I had a break in the day and decided to take off early and meet her for our after school tradition. I pulled into the parking lot and took my normal spot looking forward to hearing how things were different but the same. As the bell rang I watched her walk out of class with one of her girlfriends and give me the “acknowledgement nod” as she headed off to her locker, after a few minutes I decided I was hot and done waiting – my car is the ultimate solar conductor for heat and met her at her locker, instead of being greeted with a warm smile or even a hello – she turns on me and says “You need to go home right now and get me my gym clothes and tennis shoes”. Slightly taken aback I recovered quickly and moved into “MOM” mode. “No, you’re in high school now and it’s your responsibility to make sure you have everything”, “but the coach won’t let me practice in my school clothes” “Well let’s go talk to him” as we walk up to the coach she becomes sullen and silent after spending a few minutes looking at each other I tell her again it’s her responsibility to take care of her stuff, she rolls her eyes and explains she didn’t bring her gym clothes for practice. He looks at me then back at her and promptly tells her she’ll have to practice in what she’s wearing and walks off to the gym. My loving daughter turns to me with exasperation grumbles something about how terrible her shoes are, which I pretend not to hear, I smile give her a kiss on the cheek and a pat on the shoulder and tell her I’ll be back to pick her up after practice. As I drive off I realize with a little anger, that all the worrying about being there for her was just in my head, I had made myself sick thinking I was letting her down and with anyone that’s every dealt with a teenager can tell you they’re not thinking the same thing when it comes to the things that they do. But I also realized that she has reached a point where she doesn’t need me to be there for her all the time, she’s actually starting to do things on her on and make her own decisions, not necessarily all good ones but she’s at least sticking to her guns. I guess it’s finally happening to me my little girls are growing up and pretty soon they’re going to be leaving the house and mom will be more of a guidance counselor instead of a bringer of things or taxi service. I guess that is until the next time one of them leaves their gym clothes or something else at home again.